Resolutions

Since New Year's Eve is upon us, I thought I'd write down my New Year's resolutions so that I can check back in one year to see if I've actually accomplished any of them. Here we go...

1. Quit being such a dick. It has come to my attention that I sometimes act like a dick. Not on purpose, mind you, but just through the natural course of being me. So for 2007, I'm going to stop acting like a dick.

2. Shut my mouth. This really should be 1a) but for the sake of the list I'll make it #2. You see, I don't really know when to shut my mouth and it always gets me in stupid situations or makes me look like, well, a dick. So, I'm going to shut my mouth this year in hopes that I can kill two birds with one stone.

3. Use the phrase "Be that as it may" more often. I thought of this one last night while taking a piss and it seemed like a good idea. This phrase needs to be used more often because it sounds pretentious and arrogant. Oh wait, I've stopped being a dick this year. Ok. Well, I can have this thing, right?

4. Write a TV show. I came up with two really good TV show ideas in 2006 and started telling people (read: girls at bars) that I'm working on developing a TV show. I'd tell them the idea, they'd feign interest, and then they'd go back to talking to their boyfriends. So, for 2007, I'm actually going to write the TV shows so that I can carry around a copy of the script and wave it in front of their bitchy little faces.

5. Take the GMAT and go to grad school. Why? Because I hate myself and want to spend 3 years in my mid-20's going back to school. That's why.

6. Make sure the total number of items I write in a list is divisible by 5. To have a list with anything else just feels creepy.

See?

You guys have a good New Year. I'll seeya in '07.