How Long Will You Last?

I made it until the 1:30 mark. After that, I just couldn't take it.



This song came out in 1991 when I was in the sixth grade. We used to have these little mini school sanctioned dance parties during lunch and when this song broke through, it fired up all of our prepubescent hearts. To watch it be butchered by these little fucks hurts my soul.

It's still pretty damn funny, though.

"He Can Really Hande that Bo!"

Work is epically boring right now, so I'm going to revert to posting YouTube clips that I found on other people's sites. You gotta problem with that? If so, talk to this kid.




(Hat tip to With Leather.)

I would love it if this kid became the drum major (aka dude with the baton) for The Ohio State marching band one day, just so when someone would make fun of him, he'd bust out some Chuck Norris/Steven Segal action on him.



What? Like that kid couldn't do that? Sign him up!

(Ah, just for the hell of it, here's some Chuck Norris.)



It effing kills me that he sings his own theme song. Of course, I shouldn't expect any less from the only man who has ever counted to infinity. Twice.

No. No. No.

If anybody ever asks me why I vote Democrat instead of Republican, I will point to this:

"A bill that would effectively end the strip club world as we know it in Ohio passed the Senate Tuesday afternoon in a 24-8 vote.

Senate Bill 16 was proposed by an initiative petition filed by the Citizens for Community Values, a Cincinnati-area group that successfully pushed the gay marriage ban in Ohio. The bill was approved 7-1 Tuesday morning by the Senate's State and Local Government Committee.

The bill would put in place a 6-foot rule separating patrons and performing strippers and cause adult clubs without liquor licenses to close at midnight. Those with liquor licenses could keep serving alcohol after midnight, but no performances would be allowed."

(snip)

"Yet when push came to shove, both Mumper and Niehaus (Republicans) voted against postponing indefinitely or tabling the bill when they could have joined the three Democrats on the nine-member panel to kill the legislation."

You really do have to read the full article to appreciate my rage.

Next time you head to the voting booths, remember this:

Republicans: Vote to shut down strip clubs, thus denying the means for hot college girls to put themselves through law school or medical school.

Democrats: Helping girls named Cinnamon, Porsche, and Amber reach their goals of becoming hot doctors and lawyers.

Plus, I have a feeling that this is the year that a bunch of my friends will start to get married. A bachelor party without at trip to a strip club is no bachelor party at all.

Not much to say

There really isn't too much to say about this YouTube clip. It's a movie trailer mash up of 300 and Anchorman. Enjoy.

Randomness...

- Opening Day - as well as the rest of the Indians' first home stand - got canceled due to snow. In April. Much has been written about this and I won't rehash it here. I will say, however, that the cancellation did not interrupt my plans to get drunk. Sadly, I did not go to a strip club nor did I get a new nickname.

- A local Marine who did a tour of duty in Iraq threw out the first pitch at the game. (They wound up play 4 2/3 innings of the game, which means it wasn't an official game.) He was in his military uniform and had about 5 medals pinned to his chest, a few of which were Purple Hearts. He was missing an eye and had an assortment of other injuries that were apparent by his stiff movement. I stood next to him in line while waiting for the bathroom and had a pretty good conversation with him. While speaking with him, a number of people came up and thanked him for his service, which I thought was pretty cool. While I don't support our involvement in Iraq, I thanked him for his service as well. He's just a guy doing a job that a lot of people don't want to do.

I also found it quite remarkable how concerned he was with everybody else in line. He was going to use one of the stalls to change out of his uniform and he said, "I hope no one gets mad at me for taking my time in there." I told him that he could take all the time he wanted. He earned it.

- Have you ever run into an ex after not seeing them for a long time and thought - "Wow - she looks great. Maybe I should try and get back together with her" - before realizing that you two had nothing in common and that the entire time you dated all you did was watch "24" at her place on Monday nights and hook up twice a week because she lived too far way for you to keep driving down there just for sex? Um... Me neither.

- I bought a new bottle of shampoo two weeks ago because I was running low. I'm still on my original bottle. It's like Jesus blessed my bottle of shampoo to be never ending.

(Yup... that last part looks just as gay as I thought it would.)

- I'm taking a half day today because no one is in the office and I could really use some time off. My boss also bought me a bottle of wine for my birthday. Two birds, meet one stone.

- That being said, it's my birthday tomorrow. So if you know who I am and see me out tonight or tomorrow, buy me a drink or three. I'm on a big whiskey kick right now if that helps. Have a great weekend.

Opening Day

Today is Opening Day for the Cleveland Indians, which puts this as the biggest party day in the city behind St. Patrick's Day and just ahead of Flag Day. What can I say? Us Clevelanders love our flags.

For the past few years, the game would start somewhere between 1:00 and 3:00, which meant that people would get to the bars around 10:00 AM. I'm not even joking. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if someone is just now finishing their 2nd beer of the day while choking down a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich from Panini's and it's only 10:42 AM.

I attended my first Opening Day in 2004 when I went with a bunch of guys I was working with at the time. The weather was terrible - as it normally is this time of year - but we stood outside, drank beers, ate hot dogs, went to the game, and then hit a strip club at 7:00 at night. Someone wound up with a sprained ankle and another one of us somehow got the nickname "Mohawk Face". (Still not quite sure where this nickname came from.) Anyway, it was absolutely awesome and a great excuse to take a half day from work and just have a good time.

I've missed the past two Opening Days, but will be in attendance today courtesy of some tickets from a friend of mine. However, it is currently 31 degrees outside with strong winds and the possibility of snow. SNOW. There's even a chance they'd postpone the game due to the weather, but this is unlikely. Clevelanders love their baseball (and their flags) and will simply not allow cold weather to cancel Opening Day.

I have no point to this post other than:

1. I'll be leaving work at 3:00 to go to bar prior to the game.
2. I'll be watching baseball in the snow.
3. I need to buy a hooded sweatshirt at lunch to help keep myself warm.
4. It's also Good Friday, which means all of those Catholics can't have hot dogs, but probably will.
5. There is the very real possibility I'll end up at a strip club tonight with a sprained ankle and a new nickname.